


The afternoon I knew I could love you

by ravenbringslight



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Consensual Underage Sex, Domestic Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Half-Sibling Incest, M/M, Trans Male Character, Vaginal Sex, afab language, don't wanna trigger anyone's dysphoria, idk how old they are, loki is a trans guy but gets his period, overtagging to be safe, they're both in high school
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-08
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-04-12 15:44:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19135123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ravenbringslight/pseuds/ravenbringslight
Summary: And your mom would stick a fork right into daddy's shoulderAnd dad would throw the garbage all across the floorAs we would lay and learn what each other's bodies were for





	The afternoon I knew I could love you

**Author's Note:**

> I had "[king of carrot flowers pt 1](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LULmbLlPvVk)" by neutral milk hotel stuck in my head ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ did I make a songfic? maybe I made a songfic. fuck. 
> 
> many thanks to mrhiddles who looked this over for me and made it better!

i  
Fandral drops Thor off at home after their soccer game, and Loki meets him at the front door, his face drawn and his arms crossed over his chest.

"Don't go into the kitchen," Loki says.

"Again?"

Loki nods, swift and short, making Thor think of a bird. He's all elbows and angles today, skin stretched delicately over hollow bones, and looks liable to take flight at a moment's notice.

"Come on," Thor says. He tugs his brother's arm until Loki unfolds himself, then gives him a gentle nudge up the stairs. Thor follows. Finds his eyes lingering on Loki's backside. He can hear Odin and Laufey arguing. Hears a plate crash. Feels it, dull in his stomach.

"I have to take a shower," Thor says. "You gonna be ok for a few minutes?"

"Yeah," Loki says. He runs his hand through his hair. "Yeah."

Loki disappears into Thor's room, and Thor goes into the hallway bathroom. Runs the hot water until he loses himself in the steam. Scrubs off the stink of sweat and dirt and grass. Ignores the screaming from downstairs the best he can. He focuses instead on Loki waiting for him in his bedroom and imagines him curled up under Thor's blanket, and how Thor will flop down next to him, smell his scent on his pillows. He lets his mind go further, into a place he's only recently dared to let it go. Loki smiling as Thor kisses him; Loki pulling him closer and running his hands down Thor's back; Loki wrapping his legs around Thor's waist and not letting go.

Loki isn't on the bed when Thor comes in. He's sitting in Thor's desk chair, snapping a hair tie on his wrist over and over again, swiveling himself back and forth.

"What was it this time?" Thor asks.

Loki grimaces. "Does it matter? She was drunk by ten a.m. You know how she gets. She'd fight water for being wet."

The set of Loki's shoulders tells Thor it does matter, this time. He stops Loki's compulsive swiveling with a hand on the chair. Kneels on the ground in front of Loki and stills his hands too. Holds out his arms in invitation.

With a ragged sigh, Loki falls into them.

 

ii  
_Thor hates his dad’s new wife. Hates the way her teeth are just slightly too big for her mouth and always have lipstick on them. Hates how she laughs, like everything in the world is the funniest joke ever even when it’s not. Hates the way her chest presses against his face when she hugs him, her flesh too soft and smelling like flowers just on the edge of rot._

_He hates most of all that she’s not his mother._

_When her belly starts to get big, Thor knows that it’s because there’s a baby in it, even though she and Odin never tell him anything. He decides that he hates the baby too._

_Then Loki is born. Odin makes Thor put on uncomfortable fancy clothes and go visit Laufey in the hospital. Laufey gives Thor a rotten flower hug and brays like a horse at one of Odin’s unfunny jokes and completely ignores the bassinet next to her bed. Thor peers down into it and finds a tiny dark-haired little thing. Squishy faced, hands balled into little fists. Tiny ears, tiny nose, just tiny._

Oh, _Thor thinks._ I don’t hate you at all.

_“Hi,” Thor says. “I’m your brother.”_

_Loki opens his tiny mouth and wails._

 

iii  
Loki feels so small in Thor’s arms. 

“Tell me,” Thor says. He strokes Loki’s back, up and down with his palm spread wide. Feels the bumps of Loki’s spine. He has the absurd thought to lace his fingers through the bones until they’re unable to be separated, linked by dna and touch.

They both jump when Odin suddenly roars in pain from the kitchen, and then there’s a crash, and a door slamming.

“I don’t wanna talk about it,” Loki says, pushing his face harder into Thor’s shoulder.

“Will you tell me later?” Thor says. If he’s learned one thing it’s that when Loki keeps things to himself they start to fester, but that if Thor pushes too hard it all but guarantees that outcome. He’s been trying to figure out how to be patient. To draw Loki out of himself. Sometimes it works.

Loki shrugs, which isn’t a no. He pulls back, wipes at his nose with the back of his hand.

“You’re the only one who gives a shit about me,” Loki says, not meeting Thor’s eyes.

“That’s not true—” Thor tries to protest, but Loki cuts him off.

“It is and you know it. And...and I love you for it, I really do...and I’m sorry—”

Thor’s stomach lurches. “What are you sorry for?”

“Ruining everything,” Loki says, and kisses him.

 

iv  
_It’s Loki’s first day of kindergarten and he’s nervous. Thor is in third grade, already an old pro. He holds Loki’s hand up the sidewalk and Loki clutches onto him. He’s a slip of a thing dwarfed by his giant backpack. Yesterday they were kings of the forest, ruling over their leafy demesne with wisdom and grace and high-pitched giggles. Today they’re little boys marching grimly into battle with the forces of order who want to stuff them into drab boxes where the manners of thinking and acting are preordained._

_“You’ll be fine,” Thor reassures Loki. “Your teacher is right there, see? She won’t let you get lost. And I’ll be right down the hall from you.”_

_“Will you stay with me?” Loki asks._

_Thor looks back at Laufey. She’s watching them from behind the wheel of the car, her eyes hidden by sunglasses. Thor can’t even remember if she said goodbye to them. He can’t remember the last time she laughed, either, and suddenly he misses it, though he can’t say why._

_“I can’t,” Thor says. “But I’ll see you at recess, ok? I’ll find you.”_

_“Pinky promise?”_

_Thor holds out his pinky and Loki solemnly hooks his through it._

_“Pinky promise.”_

 

v  
The kiss is brief, Loki’s lips pursing against his once, twice, the barest tip of his tongue licking across Thor’s mouth.

Then Loki is tearing away from him, and standing up, and turning to leave.

“What are you doing?” Thor croaks. His mind is racing and blank at the same time, his insides molten.

"Kissing my brother and running away from home, what does it look like?"

It’s only then that Thor realizes that Loki has his shoes on. His leather jacket. His wallet and phone in his back pockets. What those things mean. He’d been planning this before Thor got home today, had been waiting for him. So he could do what? Say goodbye and leave? Did he really think that Thor would just watch him go?

Loki’s got a hand on the doorknob, but Thor surges to his feet and pushes the door shut before Loki can get it open all the way. Cages Loki in against it with his arms. Loki turns to shove at him, but Thor just presses closer. Loki is breathing fast underneath him, his nostrils flared. Thor leans his forehead against Loki’s and Loki turns his face to the side, so that Thor’s nose is smashed into his cheek. 

Both of their hearts are racing, Thor can feel it. His is knocking sharply against his own breastbone, up into his throat.

“What are you doing?” Loki says in a harsh whisper, an echo of Thor’s words from a moment ago.

“Kissing my brother and not letting him run away from home,” Thor says. Loki’s breath hitches. Thor kisses his cheek. The corner of his nose. Loki shudders and tilts his mouth towards him.

Thor kisses that too.

 

vi  
_Thor tiptoes through the living room. Laufey is passed out on the couch, an empty whiskey bottle wedged between her body and the cushions. The lights are off but TV is on, and shadows move over her inert form in flickering silence. The quiet is tense, but it’s a welcome change from earlier. Thor had tried to stay outside for most of it, shooting hoops in the driveway in determined avoidance, but he’d been unable to ignore all of it._ “...stuck in the house with these goddamned kids…” _and_ “...no one is making you stay…” _and_ “...piece of shit…”

_“Hey Dad,” Thor whispers. Odin is slumped at the kitchen table, staring off into nothing. There’s blood at the corner of his lip. “Have you seen Loki?”_

_Odin points vaguely upstairs._

_Loki is crying in the bathroom._

_“There’s so much blood,” Loki says tearfully when Thor pushes the door open. His pants are on the floor, wet and red, his equally stained underwear around his ankles, and he squeezes his legs together in some semblance of modesty. “I don’t know what to do.”_

_Thor feels panic bubble up in his chest, then quick on its heels comes anger. The so-called adults in this house have been leaving them to raise themselves for so long that Thor is surprised he can still be angry about it, but he is. They deserve better. Loki deserves better._

_“Is this the first time?” Thor says, and Loki nods. “Your mom has gotta have something...hold on, I’ll be right back…”_

_Thor raids Odin and Laufey’s bathroom for anything he can find. Pads, tampons, clean towels. A bottle of Midol._

_“I’m sorry,” Loki says when Thor comes back with his armful of supplies. He’s pulled a hand towel over his lap._

_“Don’t be sorry,” Thor says. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”_

_“I’m sorry,” Loki says again, and the way he says it it seems like he’s talking about more than the laundry. Thor kisses his forehead and pushes his hair back from his tear-tracked face. Hates Laufey even more than he already did. Hates their dad, too, for his despicable weakness._

_“You’re gonna be ok,” Thor says. “I’ve got you.”_

 

vii  
Loki tangles his hands in Thor’s hair and kisses him too hard, too frenzied. Their teeth knock together. Thor pulls back and Loki holds onto his lip with his teeth, unwilling to let go.

“Hey,” Thor murmurs. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Sorry,” Loki says, his face twisting. He lets his head thump back against the door. “I’m sorry. I’m sick, I know—I shouldn’t have—you should just let me go—”

“If you’re sick, then I am too,” Thor says. They’re both breathing hard through their noses. Loki blinks and a tear falls down his cheek, and Thor rubs the tip of his nose against it. “Don’t leave me.”

“They said—” Loki chokes up for a second. “I heard Mom say that I kept her stuck in this shithole town and shithole marriage and ruined her life and that she wished I’d never been born. And Dad...he…I think it’s the only thing they’ve ever agreed on.”

“Fuck them,” Thor says heatedly. He realizes he’s put his hands on Loki’s waist, under his jacket, and he’s kneading at Loki’s hips, pulling him closer, and Loki makes a tiny muffled noise and holds onto his neck.

“What about you?” Loki says shakily. “You agree with them?”

Thor doesn’t know how to say what he feels. That he’s loved Loki from the first moment he saw his face. That it’s them versus the world and they belong together, always. That there isn’t anything Thor wouldn’t do for him.

“No,” Thor says. It’s so laughably inadequate that he follows it up by pulling Loki flush against him, wedging his thigh between Loki’s legs, burying his face in Loki’s neck. Loki arches against him, gasping.

“Do you really want me...like this…?” Loki stutters out.

Thor pushes his thigh up, grinding it into Loki’s crotch, and Loki bears down on him and moans.

“Yes,” Thor says. “I always have.”

“Oh my god,” Loki whimpers, and pulls him into another kiss, gentler this time but still desperate and wet and raw. Like he’s afraid that if he stops for even a second that Thor will disappear.

“It’s alright, baby,” Thor says into Loki’s mouth. “I’ve got you.”

 

viii  
_”You gonna change your name?” Thor asks._

_Loki sucks on his soda. “Nah. I like my name. It’s very me.”_

_Thor slings his arm around Loki’s shoulders and takes one of the fries Loki’s offering. “I like your name, too.”_

_“You sure you don’t mind having a brother?” Loki says, and he sounds a little nervous._

_Thor gives him a squeeze. “Turns out I always did.”_

 

ix  
Thor’s blankets are on the floor and Loki is on the bed, down to his underwear, all bare skin and a blush so red that Thor thinks of poppies. Wishes that he had some to trail over his brother’s body. He’d cover him in delicate petals and make love to him in a bed of their softness.

Thor covers him with his body instead.

The late afternoon sun slants across the bed, painting Loki in stripes of gold, and Thor kisses along their edges, Loki’s skin warm against his lips. Sunlight and downy hair. Grasping hands. Ragged breaths.

It feels so good that Thor is lightheaded with it. The way that Loki’s legs part for him. How Loki draws him in, by turns eager and restrained, as if he doesn’t want Thor to know the full extent of how much he wants this. Thor knows, though. He wants it too. He bucks his pelvis against Loki’s, both of their underwear damp, and Loki pants into his mouth.

“I want to be inside you,” Thor says. His voice comes out as a breathy rasp. He’s on the edge of something vast.

Loki’s fingers spasm on his arms. “Please.”

"I don't have a condom," Thor says. He wants to cry.

"It's ok. I'm on the pill, remember?"

They stare at each other for a wide-eyed moment, trembling.

Then they’re both shoving their underwear off, fumbling, and Thor is leaning back over Loki, looking down between them, and he takes his dripping cock in his hand and rubs it against the wetness of Loki’s slit. Loki moans and throws his head back. Thor can’t help but mouth at his neck while he circles the head of his cock against Loki’s clit and makes him writhe. God, he’s so wet.

“Please,” Loki says again. “Thor, _please_.”

Thor kisses Loki’s breastbone where his skin is flushed, feels the rapid rise and fall of his chest like an injured little bird. Cradles him close. Slips his cock into Loki’s wet heat and pushes. Sinks down into him like warm summer rain into the welcoming earth.

He has no idea if Loki has done this before. Doesn’t want to hurt him. Tries to go slow. Loki tugs him forward restlessly, a breathless litany of _c’mon c’mon c’mon_ in Thor’s ear, and Thor groans and fucks the rest of the way in.

Thor feels like he should be ashamed. He isn’t. It’s always been the two of them. It always will be.

“ _Thor_ ,” Loki whimpers.

“I’ve got you, baby,” Thor murmurs as he starts moving. “I’m right here.”

Loki’s fingers dig into Thor’s ass and he rises to meet his thrusts. Grinds himself against Thor’s pubic bone. He starts to lose his rhythm as his cries get higher pitched, and Thor fucks him through it, until he’s coming apart in Thor’s arms, clenching around his cock with his whole body arched up off the bed. 

He seeks Thor’s mouth afterwards. They kiss, soft and fierce and tender.

“Brother,” Thor says, his own hips stuttering, and lets himself fall over the edge.

 

x  
_”Promise me something,” Loki says in the dark._

_“What?”_

_“That we won’t end up like them. Too selfish and bitter to love anyone but their own hateful selves."_

_"We won't. We'll always love each other."_

_"Pinky promise?"_

_Their hands find each other by touch._

_"Pinky promise."_

 

xi  
Thor holds Loki close, curled up against his chest where his heart beats. The garage door rumbles open and one of the cars starts up. Laufey's, by the rough popping sound of the engine.

"You still wanna run away?" Thor asks. Loki nuzzles into him.

"Kind of, yeah," Loki says, but Thor is fairly certain he's smiling. He can feel it against his skin.

"You wanna take me with you this time?"

Loki laughs and sneaks his arm around Thor's waist, kisses the underside of his jaw and makes him hum.

"Yeah, I think I might."

**Author's Note:**

> visit me at http://twitter.com/thunderingraven


End file.
